She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i think i just lost a toe
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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