There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
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