i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
