that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize