On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ttyl tear gas
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
