My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
