I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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