Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
