Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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