I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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