why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Panties = found
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