go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
