in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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