so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
