Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
tell me about the fingering
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
