is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
