Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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