please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
