sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
