I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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