Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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