Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
