Whod you bang
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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