I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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