OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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