I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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