i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
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Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping