A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Use "feeling words"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.