Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Yea well when i pee it makes steam.

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  (901): Yea well when i pee it makes steam. http://tfl.nu/1t52
  Replies (11) Good night (2399) Bad night (991)
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  (831): View more from California

  I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.

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  (831): I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures. http://tfl.nu/n0ak
  Replies (3) Good night (3466) Bad night (527)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.

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  (717): Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision. http://tfl.nu/qwmb
  Replies (17) Good night (2809) Bad night (3651)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

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  (306): When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vfit
  Replies (5) Good night (4383) Bad night (1300)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

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  (303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60
  Replies (20) Good night (1631) Bad night (3958)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

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  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11783) Bad night (1403)
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  (212): View more from New York

  The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

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  (212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0
  Replies (7) Good night (2047) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3320) Bad night (936)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth

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  (712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth http://tfl.nu/h1gj
  Replies (10) Good night (593) Bad night (1378)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today

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  (412): You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today http://tfl.nu/so0a
  Replies (5) Good night (819) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I won't apologize to a one balled man

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  (630): I won't apologize to a one balled man http://tfl.nu/49il
  Replies (9) Good night (666) Bad night (956)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.

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  (301): Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level. http://tfl.nu/wvpb
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...

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  (802): Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not... http://tfl.nu/ztpl
  Replies (5) Good night (755) Bad night (433)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.

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  (917): It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet. http://tfl.nu/tf3l
  Replies (3) Good night (666) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck

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  (708): He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck http://tfl.nu/28kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1279) Bad night (306)

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