watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel