Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it