She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.