I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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