i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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