Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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