i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
