I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
