Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
