woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I need moral support for this bender
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
