john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
