You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
