Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
