AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
