just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
