dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
