At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
