did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
