One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize