pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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