I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
