I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
