You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
