Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
