I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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