I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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