Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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