Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
