This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
