Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
