I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
