This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
