The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
