i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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