So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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