Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize