My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
