Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am spending my child support on dildos
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
