There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
