Me too!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
