So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
