the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
