of course. lets lasso hookers.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
