If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my liver is dry heaving
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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