Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
