why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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