Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
