I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's always time for handjobs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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