he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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