fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
