i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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