I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
