Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
